This is one of those posts that I feel like needs to prefaced. To me, it’s similar to breast-feeding vs. bottle-feeding or co-sleeping vs. not co-sleeping. People tend to be very passionate about one view or the other, and people can get easily riled up. So, let’s say right now- I believe with all that I am that what you do for your family is perfect FOR YOU. Whether you breast-feed, bottle-feed, co-sleep, don’t co-sleep, stay home with your babies, work outside the home, cloth diaper, disposable diaper, home school, public school, YOU DO YOU! Are your babies fed, clothed (well most of the time in my boys’ case!), and loved? Then you’re doing amazing, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
But the thing with topics like these is that some people get so passionate, they don’t actually let themselves think about why someone chose differently. Maybe that bottle-feeding Mama can’t breastfeed, and it hurts her heart. Maybe that Mama works outside the home because she’s a better Mama and more present with her Babies when she gets the break and does something that fuels her heart. The point is, you don’t know.
We found out what this baby is going to be. Not only that, we paid for an Early Detection DNA gender test to find out even earlier. We don’t qualify for the NIPT genetic test at the doctor because, while I’m considered high-risk for pre-term labor and have had multiple miscarriages including a second-trimester one, I’m not considered genetically high-risk. I’m also not yet over the age of 35, therefore, our insurance won’t cover the test. So we could wait until the 20 week anatomy ultrasound or we could pay $59 (with a coupon) to do an at home blood test that is processed by an independent lab.
Why not just wait for the ultrasound? Or even better, why not just wait until the baby is born? We’ve done both those options, my Friends. With our first born, we didn’t find out. He was the present we got at the end of 33 weeks (because he came early) and found out he was a boy. I will admit the adrenaline of finding out “it’s a boy” seconds after giving birth is simply amazing! Then with our next two boys, we found out at their ultrasounds because this crazy-organized Mama wanted to be prepared and settled when Baby arrived. Both ways were fun and beautiful and special. But here’s the thing: three of my babies have never been born. Two of my babies never even made it to a point of me being able to find out if they were a boy or girl. One baby I only found out because my husband and I drove 100 miles to a private ultrasound clinic at 16 weeks.
I could give you a million and ten reasons of why I wanted to find out. We’re having a rummage sale, and I want to know if I can sell our oodles of boy clothes or need to hang on to them. I want to go out and find amazing rummage sale deals if it is a girl because one baby doesn’t need tons of brand new clothes that she’ll outgrow in a few months with no one to pass them down to (because yes, this is the last one, no matter the outcome). I want to know how to decorate the room because a Christmas baby comes at an already chaotic time of the year, and I want everything ready to go so I can just enjoy the holidays with my family.
But the real fact of the matter is, I want to know for me, and to be quite frank, it really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks or feels about it. I didn’t feel connected to my first-born until he’d been in the world almost a month. His NICU stay didn’t help matters. It’s hard to bond through an incubator. Knowing with my next two boys gave me a way to make a connection. Being able to call baby a him and a he and by their names was a huge help to my mental well-being. Knowing Clara was a girl helped me grieve that sweet little life. Naming her, buying pink things in her memory, talking about her to my boys- all these things have helped me process and handle her loss.
If you read my last blog post, you know that for the first 8 weeks of this pregnancy, I was completely detached. I didn’t think about this baby. I didn’t want to see this baby. I didn’t entertain the idea of the baby making it here, and it was driving me to the brink of depression. I needed to know for my own mental well-being. I needed to know because if something does happen, I want to know if that baby is a boy or a girl. I needed to know because I want to pray for this baby by name. I want to say he or she. I want to envision all that life will be with this baby. I want to celebrate every tiny detail of this baby because the truth is, as we learned a year ago, it’s not guaranteed I’ll get to know this baby this side of heaven.
Yesterday we found out this baby is a GIRL! Wyatt was beyond excited for a little sister! We may wait for confirmation in a few weeks via ultrasound before I start selling all the boy things because there’s always a little room for error with home-based tests; and if it’s wrong, we’ll be just as thrilled with another Little Man for our house full of crazy (and it’ll be a really funny story!). I’ve felt this little love was a girl from the beginning though. My pregnancy has been identical to Clara’s, and 100% different from the boys. Like I said above, we’re celebrating every little thing we learn about this baby. I’m certain this little girl will be perfect in every way. Her name is Scarlett Mae. Yep, we’re even sharing her name early this time because if you think of us and know our story, we’d love for you to pray for her by name.
So you do you, Friend! Whether you wait to find out what your bundle of joy is or find out early, I trust you’re doing what’s right for you and your family and your mental well-being. There’s no judgment here, and I’ll celebrate that Little Life with you with all the love and excitement that comes with a new baby.
**If you’re curious, we used the Sneak Peek Early Gender DNA Test. I tested at 10 weeks 1 Day. I’ll be sure to come back and update this post once we confirm if it was correct or not 🙂